There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
