Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Your dad touched me again.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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