where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
