so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
