i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We're too hungover to prance.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
