yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
