Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
