Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
