I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
