where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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