How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
