FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
