put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize