i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i dont even know how to be here
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
