Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I'm really busy with my period
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