I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
