yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You ate ashes out of my bong
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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