Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
