Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
