he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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