I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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