ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
