he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
