I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize