strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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