I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
