Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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