what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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