He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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