i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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