the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So. Much. Porn.
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