Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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