yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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