: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
