I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
