My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
