the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
