My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize