so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
