Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
