we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
