The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
