I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
