My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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