I just cut my nipple shaving
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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