I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
