you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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