nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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