It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
