If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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