I wish I only lived at night.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
