He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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