Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
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i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
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Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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