Only a mothe r could love this liver
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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