so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
