You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
