fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
