Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
