So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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