you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
