mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
