I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
