Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
